I was in heaven because I finally knew thefreedom of being the girl I want to be. By the time I got home I waspositive I was really a girl, but at age 13 there wasn't anything Icould do about it. All I could do was dress like a girl and relish theprecious few moments I had as a girl. By the time I was myself again mymom came home from work and all seemed well again.I worked at a small grocery bagging groceries, stocking shelves and soon, which gave me a modest allowance with enough money to buy my girlstuff. I was saving up for a padded pantybrief, one of the new gelfilled ones. On Friday night that week I was busy doing my homeworkwhen my mom came into the kitchen and sat across from me."Marilyn saw you walking at the local mall last night. She said thatyou were dressed up like a girl. She also said that you looked reallycute. I always knew that you were dressing up, but now that you arestarting to leave the house dressed as a girl, I have a right to knowher name. So please tell me. I need to put her tobed with her stuffed dolls around her so she won?t feelalone and kiss her. I need to read her a Dr. Susse, watchher play on the swings, help her with a puzzle, or have herhelp me make some cookies. Of course she could lick thebowl.There are other issues as well. It is the fact that evenwith HRT and SRS it is only the best that modern medicinecan do. Even then I am still not genetically female. Thereis no way I will ever give birth. The view in the mirror isstill too masculine. I don?t know if I could ever get ridor my beard or the rug that covers my body. I am too tall.My voice is too deep. The hair where I need it is missing.I need to put makeup and look pretty, not like someone whois trying to pass. And if I try to pass I might get beat upby someone who believes he is a ?real? man. Or I might justbe lucky enough just to get a snide remark. I need to bewith woman as a woman, not a freak. And if I need to go tothe restroom in a public place it is with a sister or.
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